Sunday, January 27, 2013

Diminuendo

It's been a busy month.

At times it felt like bootcamp, especially last week. I think I was torn in three directions. This is what happens when your word for the year decides to kick you in the butt. (Shall we just say, it wasn't for the act of service, but the conditions under which I'd be serving ... and shall we just say, I WAS ON MY WAY TO FAILING MISERABLY. Glad for a friend who gives me what-for and tells me to DO IT ANYWAY.)

Luckily, at church this weekend, the pastor talked about how difficulties are the way we grow. And I know it. In fact, sometimes when it's all going great, I'm thankful for sure, but I think of how close I had been to God in the struggle.

I stood in the church lobby today waiting for the crowd to thin out before I made my way to the car. I stood in a sunny spot by the window. The sun felt so good and warm on my legs. I recognized lots of people, and turned my head before eye contact was made. I remember thinking how I wanted to be invisible--like it is a superpower.

Don't see me. Don't see me.

Diminuendo. Getting softer. Quieting my voice, and softening my presence. Because sometimes you just want to disappear.

Someone did see me. She came to me and pulled me out of invisible. We talked about homeschooling, and before I knew it, I was handing her my contact information to get our families together.

Then someone else saw me, and encouraged me for camera work today and taught me a few tips.

Lastly, someone from 66 Books saw me. We talked and promised to pray for each other.

She hugged me. Twice.

Then I went home.

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