Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Hunker

It's been like a presence at my back--the school year. I don't turn around, but I know it's there. I try to pretend like it's far away, but it's really right up against me.

At the amusement park, I chatted a granny who had treated her grandkids to a day of fun after a completion of summer school. I remembered my own summer school days--didn't they run like six weeks or something?

Egads, the summer is half over! I don't know if she noticed the panic in my eyes, or saw 2014-2015 reach around and tap my shoulder.

I got home and immediately crawled into a closet. Ok, not really, but I mentally locked all my doors and pretended there was no world outside our property boundaries. When a friend called and asked if I wanted to join her for Chik-fil-a cow day, I declined. I guarded every minute of that day, remembering last year's tears and last-minute picnic under the walnut tree, the mourning of a fleeting summer.

Insert drama.

This week has been a nesting week. I'm painting a room. I'm clearing out the space. I'm sorting through books and purging (I thought I did this three years ago!). I'm repurposing basement shelves for school curriculum on hold till Erin grows into it.

Erin crawled into bed with me this morning, and I was glad. She has been out of the habit for at least a year. She snuggled with me, and I listened to her sleep breathing and cherished being a mom. She stirred and said, "I don't want to get out of bed."

"You don't have to," I replied.

It was going on 8 o'clock. Coffee could wait.

Today, I'm in deep hunker mode. Finishing books, painting trim, organizing. Maybe tomorrow I'll get photos ordered and framed and hung on wall and shelf spaces. But I don't want think too hard about tomorrow. I'm just going to savor today.

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