We got the yearbook last night at the end-of-the-year program, and I spoke to some parents whose children were in my class. It was hard for me to talk. Great Books is a super special class for me, and this year's group of students were my biggest blessing. It's hard when things come to an end, even when the year was long and difficult in unexpected ways--goodbyes always carry with them a measure of loss. Even in the looking forward, we leave something behind.
God has put so many words in front of me this year. Not only through the school books I've read for myself and read to Erin, but encouragement through devotionals and scripture and messages from friends.
From a post I wrote (four years ago!), words that are timely in this season still, to a song that stirs deep emotion and tears at his sovereignty and presence ("You Were There" by Avalon).
I'm grateful for so many things. I'm heartbroken for so many things. I'm also looking forward to so many things. I need to caution myself not to spend too much time looking back--just like that day when Lanie and I first dropped Erin off at co-op this year, we both cried and missed (Erin) at the table and Lanie was full of second-guessing and I reminded her that God already had something planned out for her and she hadn't even walked through that door to know what awaited her. (It turns out, it was some pretty special stuff--new friendships and influences that have made positive and deep impressions on her.)
Wiping away tears. Stepping out in faith to another call.