And still counting ... (14,484-14,630)

long walks with Erin, steep hills

ice water, diced tomatoes in the pantry, milk chocolate bars, holiday teas back in stock at Republic of Tea, the Bondi Bands for my long run

that man of mine, cooler temps for running, new goals, a half marathon in my heart, comfy shoes from Xero

Anita at the pool, texts with Suzanne, Jenne who catches tears unwaivering, good books (finished Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins and Not Forsaken by Louie Giglio),  Erin's love for the cats

a September horizon, a next year planner in Happy Stripes, music on recorder (I have so enjoyed "Be Our Guest" and "A Whole New World" now learning "No Longer Slaves"), fall leaves, fun with British accents

a good start to the school year for Lanie, learning curves, remote classes, her two piano students, the community college T-shirt

Tom Cruise running hands, negative splits, the dreams You put in my heart, the song You sing over me, clean clothes

cricket song in the dusky hours, the laptop set up for class, the adjustable stool for the sewing table, the sewing table, evening light for yoga

Ruth at my side always, the difference a day can make, life rejuvenated/restored, bananas in the freezer for smoothies, September gray skies

hard talks, tender voices, SEVEN MILES, a day-trip to Gettysburg, neighbors over to swim

a bonfire and marshmallows--the four of us, progress in classes, good books on running (current read: Let Your Mind Run by Deena Kastor), kind sentiments from a mom, a friend's parents healthy

really good ponytail holders, fabulous wicking sweatbands, pumpkin muffins, a call from Sofia, wood stacked

a butterfly on my finger, good neighbors, an early bedtime, sore muscles, tanned skin

new lipsticks, packages in the mail, goodr sunnies, friends who get and celebrate goals achieved, sour cream and onion dip

Tracey, cooler temperatures, Ruth running in the front yard, cinnamon rolls, butternut squashes on the vine

all the cosmo seeds, September, Beckie, cardigans, restorative yoga

unexpected planks and side planks, library runs with Erin, Lanie's happiness, growing older with Shane, opportunities to search my heart

getting caught in a downpour with Erin and Pamela, all the zinnias, acorns on the driveway, squats and leg lifts with resistance bands, a two-pack palm-sized water squirt bottles for long-run days

when we run out of things to say and she says, "Want to talk about running?", little kid shows, pumpkin spice whipped coffee, rest days, the vacuum cleaner repaired

soft clothes against my skin, fall-scented foaming soaps and plug-ins, the little red baking dish for cinnamon rolls, a bolster for yoga, forward folds

Anita's 80 years, a neighbor who chased down the hit-and-run truck and snapped pictures, Raul for delivering the mail to us after our box was mowed down by a driver, John who called the police, Ivette who called us to let us know

book lists, blankets, race packet pick-up day, steep hills, good blogs

a banjo gifted, a driveway chat with a long-time friend, Lanie's teacher suggesting the solo recital, catching Erin playing Christmas songs before bed, Ruth

the persistent contact from my alma mater--the only college to be so welcoming and engaged in the journey, meds for the cat, Halley's happiness to be home, Erin's tender heart, a washed car

Sally Clarkson's standard far in the distance--a hope, butternut squash in the garden, strawberries gifted by a neighbor, the really soft and way-too-large large sweatshirt, a really hard day that showed me more about myself than a really good day

Heather and Andrea, texts from a friend enjoying all September offers, window shopping online for gifts I want to give my children, potato soup with bacon, Kind nut bars

a good podcast on Story, a phone date with Kristine, headbands, hot showers, salad kits

a change in perspective (generosity), a deep questioning of values, the emotions of a middler, my Garmin, the smell of cut grass

a butternut squash to gift, a loose t-shirt, watching movies on the couch, her laughter, granola

a gluten-free cake at the grocery store, grace in a bill, Andrea's card/note in the mail, pumpkin mousse treats to gift, good running times

From stories

I listened to a great podcast on Story. The speaker encouraged listeners to tune themselves to music and stories that stirred deep emotion in them, to sit with those emotions because they could be tapping into our own stories. And I think he's right. With the two (movie) examples below, I fully understand why those moments (and the others in the audiobook--specifically Ron's mom knitting a sweater for an orphan boy) would reach me so deeply. They touch a deep longing in me. 

***

Admission: I avoided Harry Potter for a long time. I had gotten the hesitant head shake from Christian friends not to read or watch it. I knew a mom who read her terminally afflicted child all the books at his bedside. It was a tender time for them. This stayed with me, this tender mom who devoted her days to caring for her growing and dying child. One day last winter I picked up Harry Potter at the library for Erin. She loved the book and talked about it All The Time. She badgered me to read it and I checked it out on audiobook and found it entertaining. We even watched several of the movies (working our way through). I have found them to tackle issues of good and evil, loyalty, friendship, bravery, kindness, and sacrifice. My kids legitimately questioned me how these stories were any different from The Hobbit, King Arthur and Merlin, or any ancient Greek or Roman literature, and they didn't understand why Christians would shun Dumbledore but exalt Gandalf or tolerate Merlin. I looked to Focus on the Family and saw Harry's black mark came from their suggestion that it might tempt children to witchcraft, and I felt undone by the power of suggestion of a Christian influencer. 

J.K. Rowling is a Christian. Her books have great messages, that I've found so far, in any event. There may be things I haven't encountered, but so far, I've enjoyed her work. In recent years many fans have come out against her for her beliefs and have assigned hateful intentions to her work. Kinda sucks to be in that position, slammed by your brethren and the world. 

Anyway, I read books. I read books that have great story lines and great messages. (And sometimes there's a cuss word, because sometimes people cuss.) 

***

The part where he's watching history replay, and he's telling Hermione that his father is coming to save him, but as he watches and waits, his father doesn't come, and Hermione pushes him forward where his strength surges forward to step in and rescue. And that nearly had me undone: the hope of a good father coming to rescue--so pure, and then the moment he steps up with inner strength he didn't know he had. He thought his father had come from death to save him, but he hadn't, and Harry had the strength within himself. Absolutely transformational. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (movie).

***

Also--when he overhears the story of his parents' death and learns that a trusted family friend was part of the scheme. His response at the betrayal was so full of emotion and so convincing. That in itself--betrayal at the hand of a trusted friend--almost had me crying, and would have if I'd been watching it alone. Erin has us watching all the movies as they air free on TV. I "read" the first book through audiobook, but I have such a long reading list now, that I can only commit to the movies. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (movie)

***

We finished reading Mockingjay. Erin is used to me choking up when I read.This seemed so poignant, and I felt the tension, longing and loss:

I wrap my arms around his neck, feel his arms hesitate before they embrace me. Not as steady as they once were, but still warm and strong. A thousand moments surge through me. All the times these arms were my only refuge from the world. Perhaps not fully appreciated then, but so sweet in my memory, and now gone forever. "All right, then," I release him. (Collins, 395)

***

"I ran as fast as I could for as long as I could, from a past that no longer defined me, toward a future undetermined. All I knew was that there would be pain and there would be purpose. And that I was ready." (Can't Hurt Me, David Goggins, 100)

***

"You are no longer a slave to the abuse or addictions of your parents or even the grave where your father is buried." Seriously?! Could that be anymore specific or relevant?! (Not Forsaken, Louie Giglio, 198)

***

"Success was 'having': money, awards, status. Excellence was 'being': living your values, having them guide your life. Pursue excellence, Coach would say, and success will follow." (Let Your Mind Run, Deena Kastor, 74)

"The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today." (Let Your Mind Run, Deena Kastor)

Day story

 September 2020

Outside my window, fall approaches. The last of summer blooms. Closing of the pool. This is my chance to finally get the gardens under control since their growing season is at an end. I spent the day yesterday weeding through my veggie and herb spaces. Today, pulling up the cosmos and zinnias. Erin wonders why I don't just let everything die down and start fresh next year. But it is symbolic to me to not give up. A nearby neighbor shared her own version of the black hole these past years, and I know my own. It's three years and I'm still trying to get my feet stable. Not giving up.

Giving thanks for cooler temperatures and later sunrises. I still get up early every day because of Ruth, but it felt indulgent to settle down on the couch after a cup of coffee and snuggle deeply into the cushions. Later sunrises, and my body aches from weeds and running and yoga. Today turned out to be a rest day because of the later start and the hunger that pushed against my weak will. Wrecked by a banana (not really). But the cooler temperatures, sigh. A gift. This month I upped my long run goal to seven miles, and I'm thankful for cooler temperatures. 

In the school room, I thinned some shelves and cleared off the table. This weekend I hope to apply a fresh coat of chalkboard paint to the table. It hasn't been touched up since I originally painted it when Erin was in kindergarten. Tidy spaces feel really good. 

From the kitchen, making cinnamon rolls. Today is Sunday, and that means pizza on the pizza steel. Yes, please!

I am happy. Fall temperatures feel good. Running feels good. Working with my hands feels good. Even the isolation is starting to feel good. This year has felt like a purging, a clarifying, a growth spurt. 

I don't want to forget this season. Lanie started community college, and there was a lot for us to master technology-wise. Senior year is a hustle. She's working on college essays, and we have lots of deadlines coming up. But I don't want to forget any of it in the blur. This is a really special time. Now more than ever, I'm thankful for margin.

I am reading a lot. I decided earlier this year, if I'm going to be looking back at anything, it's not going to be the same sad story. So I have been binge reading other people's stories and it feels so good. I just finished reading Not Forsaken by Louie Giglio, Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins, and Let Your Mind Run by Deena Kastor (all favorites, although Goggins' book seriously left me wanting to swear like a sailor--he's got a clean version edition out there FYI). Currently reading It's Great to Suck at Something by Karen Rinaldi and enough books on running to keep me busy for a while. Erin and I have read through a lot together too. 

Around the house, we are preparing for fall. Wood stacked. Pool closed. I'm ready to clean the windows and purge clothes and swap out shoes. Ruth has changed her wardrobe too, from the yellow bumble bee collar to hunter orange. 

I am hearing cricket sounds in the early morning. I love living in the woods. I love being tuned to its symphony. 

A view of my favorite things:

 

At the table, I ordered seasonal favorites from Republic of Tea. I missed the chance to get Tea of Good Tidings Winter Fruit Blend last year, but I ordered it September 1 when it became available again. It didn't disappoint. It's a loose tea with a complex flavor. Definitely a favorite. Sipping tea and quieting in prayer these days. Such a season of wait.