Restore. Restoration. That came to mind. I paused with that. Hmm.
Nah. No. Nope.
Then that night at church, the entire message was on restoration. The pastor kept saying the word RESTORE. Coincidence? Maybe. But with its repetition, it was driven home to my heart.
I saw the pastor's wife out in the lobby and she came over to say hello. We hugged and I tried to make light conversation. Commented briefly on the sermon, and then my eyes filled with tears. (Boo.) And then tears fell. (Boo.)
I mumbled apologies for a very raw heart.
I knew it was the word.
I get a little confused about focus words. Not sure if they are a pondering or a pursuit. Maybe a mix of both. Some of mine these past years: God, joy, worship, service, community, wholehearted--to name a few. And this new year: RESTORE.
Lots to ponder, for sure. And this word, I hashtag typed it alongside an Instagram photo of my dad.
As he left yesterday, I watched him drive down the driveway and turn onto the road. That word fresh, and my heart so tender. I went upstairs to Shane and cried.
Are the words getting harder? Or is my heart getting softer?