Sunday, June 19, 2011

Clutching vapor

Erin brought the ponies outside (My Little Pony) with the Fisher Price manger from Christmas. I brought up two laundry baskets of toys from the basement. Toys that had been shelved away during a house sale. Ten months of life packed away.

She held a pony in her hand and said, "My pony's going to take a honk-shoo." Which is code for a snoring nap. Erin likes to imitate Shane's snoring with a rumble in her throat to a shushing "shooo". Our laughter pierced the quiet of the back yard.

The girls ran around tonight with neighbor friends until their feet were dirty and grassy, their skin clammy from the humid night. I got them inside for cool drinks and preparations for bed. I stood in the kitchen with my hand on the refrigerator handle, looking at these two little girls. Looking at them with the backdrop of this kitchen. I wondered if I would remember this moment. If I would remember the details, the color of the counter top, the feel of the fridge handle, the breath-catching gulping sounds of my littles, their running chatter of things to do.

These seconds turning to minutes, slipping away like vapor. My grasping mind clutching desperately: do not forget four ... do not forget eight ... do not forget this slice of wonderful life. A weighty week of wanting to remember it all, knowing soon we'll be painting new walls, making a new home, making new memories. This first house fading, fading; this childhood time like vapor I can't hold. Wishing I could go back and replay everything, everything wonderful.

My throat feels tight.


Beckie said...

We used to use the code word "honk shoo" when talking about a younger child/sibling that needed to take a nap, so as not to throw them into a tantrum by saying the dreaded 'nap' word.

Kristina said...

When Lily was about 15 months old she couldnt get to sleep, so we got a late night snack. I gave her a graham cracker and made my self a bowl of cheerios. We sat on the floor, me against the fridge and her on a pack of jiffy mix boxes. Apparently what I was eating was WAY better than her cracker so she scooted the boxs of mix and her toddler chubby self over beside me, sat down and then just looked up at me, waiting for me to share with her. Once I did she grinned so big, milk spilled out her mouth followed by giggles from both of us!

I had the same thought- "Will I remember this moment? Will I remember the sound of her giggle, how it warmed my heart? Will she always want to share my cereal with me?"... I miss those baby moments, but am LOVING these "big girl" ones! :)

Courtney said...

Beckie: I wonder if Erin picked up "honk shoo" from you?!

Kristina: I hope we keep our memories way into old age.