Broken

The euphoria/delusion that comes with an updated look has given me a big reality check: I am not twenty-five.

I decided to take the Ball and Weights class at the gym on Monday.

Isn't that self-explanatory? The Ball and Weights class ... ???

Don't let the gentle warm-up fool you. Because those happy little stretches are meant to keep you in the class just long enough for the doors to shut and then you can't get out. I felt bad for the one guy who decided to join the class of amazons, I mean, women. At least I didn't feel like I had anything to prove. I'm sure he felt he had to keep up with the instructor. He wisely chose a spot in the back of the class.

She starts us off with single leg squats with weights. Twenty reps. Each leg. Two sets. And yes, you must make the weights touch the floor. Unless you're me. So you're balancing on one foot and squatting every single chocolate chip/white chip cookie you've ever eaten, and then it feels like both of your kids are on your back while you do this.

It just gets harder from there. Unless you're me ... because I'm allowed to get away with lying on the floor looking at this hulk, I mean, woman, like she's out of her mind. And yet I still have managed to rip every muscle in my body. So that last night's stroller walk resembled a snail's marathon and the stroller was transformed into a walker. At least today, while still feeling searing pain, I think I can manage to pick stuff up off the floor. Including the fixings from last night's dinner that fell from my hands as I transferred them to the plate.

But the most painful thing is that I dropped my camera yesterday. On hardwood flooring. And it hit hard. The lens came detached from the body to the groans of those who witnessed it. Being the desperate optimist I am on alternate Tuesdays, I said, "It'll be ok! It'll be ok!" But it wasn't. I think the lens is the only casualty, as the body still allows me to turn it on and view my stored photographs. Still, I had vivid nightmares last night of taking it to the camera store. And instead of making the grocery run my morning priority, we're going to the mall as soon as it opens to assess the damage.